Thursday, April 4, 2019

The comparison trap.

I haven't done one of these types of posts in a while, and I never really know how these sorts of meanderings will come across, but I've wanted to place some of these thoughts out in the open for some time now in hopes of gaining accountability. (I'm sure some of you are rolling your eyes already, and that's okay.)

We live in a consumerist society; there's no getting around that. It's difficult to suppress the desire for unnecessary things, and it can also be quite tricky to overcome feelings of covetousness and envy when you see others enjoying things you want but don't have. Social media exacerbates this issue, prodding each and every one of us to fall into the comparison trap. We are supposed to "[r]ejoice with those who rejoice..." (Romans 12:15) and celebrate the goodness of God together. But sometimes that's hard to do, if we're being honest with ourselves. We look for those who will also "...weep with those who weep" (Romans 12:15), or find someone who will empathize with us and try to understand our plights. It's a slippery slope, wanting a sense of community and connection, but finding yourself subjected to feelings of anxiety, envy, depression, or greed when falling into the comparison trap on social media. At that point, you've ceased to find joy in the blessings of others, and can only see what you don't have. This spirit of dissatisfaction makes us blind to the things that we *do* have, and the ways in which we *are* blessed.

This is difficult for us to grasp sometimes as adults, and even moreso for our children when they get caught up in what their friends have or are doing and want to know why they can't have or do the same things. It's envy, and it's ugly, and it's seemingly ingrained in our DNA (due to sin-nature and our fallen world and our dark and greedy hearts, or whatever you want to attribute it to).

This spirit of dissatisfaction can be difficult to dispel, and I'd like to think I'm not the only one that struggles with it. I've prayed a great deal about this as it has weighed heavily on my heart for a long, long time - and while I ardently try to love others and pray for joy and peace, I suppose I am in a constant battle with the sin of envy. Because I really am so very blessed beyond measure, and only God can satisfy the soul and the longings of the spirit.

What are some things that you all struggle with? Is it possible that we can lift one another in prayer rather than tear each other down? My spirit is weary with the weight of this world and its readied animosity. Just wanted to share these thoughts, for whatever they're worth.

Thursday, March 21, 2019

Public prayers.

Public prayers are an expression of vulnerability, but also of desiring accountability. This is my intention.

Heavenly Father, heal my heart & renew my spirit. Help me to focus on the blessings I do have, and not be distracted by the things of this Earth that tempt me with what I do not have, inviting me to unsustainable habits of needlessly and irresponsibly consuming. I ache with envy and anxiety and frustration at times - I beg that you rid my heart of these things. Fill me instead with peace and compassion and gentleness - and draw us all from hatred to love, I beseech thee. Help me to turn my mind and heart evermore to your promises, and make the frailty of my praises a dwelling place for your glory.

In Christ's name - amen.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

autumnal suggestions.

the sky, the air, the breeze today. the angle of our star, the sun. it's starting.
all these things have that 'feel' to them... that pre-autumnal essence, the beginnings of the very best time of year.

the yawnings before awakening the splendor, however temporary, of the fiery blaze and ever-present comfort of cooler nights, drawing us nearer to our loved ones, watching fires blaze, fingers entwined; over-sized sweaters, warm spiced beverages, the playful nip of brisk air at our cheeks, all awash with the cozy gold of the season of fallen leaves and bluest skies.

oh, how wistful i always am for the return of autumn.

Friday, August 8, 2014

Turning a dream into reality?

Ever have a dream that seemed like the prelude to something awesome, but you can't quite figure out the meaning or intention of your subconscious?  Whether or not to follow this meandering dreamy idea into a field of fruition?

For example, last night I had a very vivid dream about starting a largely web-based business focusing on decor and artsy-folksy things for the home.  Rustic, simple, but also with modern eco-chic inspiration, as well.  Super eclectic but a mix of rustic farmhouse, new modern, and mid-century modern.  Maybe more-- I'm not always great with genres.  I can't really explain it very well, except to say that it was a very cool concept.  A marriage of vintage, farm, and beautiful new things to create something different all together.

And the dream was complete down to the name of the business and the branding/logo: The Level Nest.  Home + Living: Simplified.  I sketched it out this morning so I wouldn't forget what it looked like...  Makes me think I should actually look into starting this thing somehow.  I definitely have the vision and passion for it; now it would just seem that I need financial backings and the spark to ignite this flame, burning through the hazy mesh of dreams into the brighter light of reality.

Something to ponder, anyway.

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Who likes change, anyway?

I do.

And there has been a lot of it.  There was a great need for it, in all truth.

There still is.  And much change is on the way.
Of course, anyone who once followed this blog would be scratching their head right now.  "Change," you ask?  "What change?  Why?  I forgot you even existed!"  Yes, I am still here.  Different.  Stronger and more fierce and much more emphatic about seizing life and living it to the fullest, however possible.

General statements, I realize, but when you have lived life in years of abuse, abandon, neglect, and passive wanting for a fuller life, more whole and happy and, well, something livable...  You step out from behind the mask of happiness, and reach around the screen behind which you hide, and revoke your falsehoods and smear the make-up and mascara with cleansing tears.  You say enough is enough.  You no longer rely on man or spirit or painting or verse.  You rely on yourself, because that is the only thing that ever got you through every terrible thing you have ever experienced.  You let your heart break and wait for it to heal, and break again, and heal again, as many times as it takes to propel you on your path within this life.  You start over.

I'm starting over.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013




Monday, April 8, 2013


The other day my son came up to me with his wooden toy wrench and started turning it around my leg and knee. I smiled and asked him what he was doing. He replied, matter-of-factly, "I'm fixing you, mommy." So I laughed and brushed it off, saying I didn't know I needed to be fixed.

But then I thought more about it later, his cute little gesture coming to mind, but then placed more focus on my response.

I do need to be fixed. We all do, really. But we can't do the fixing, nor can any other person on this earth. There are temporary fixes, distractions, things we utilize for bandaging our hearts and filling our voids, however futile and short-lived they may be.