Tomorrow my beautiful son will be 9 months old.
I wasn't able to sleep for a while last night, which has been happening a lot lately. So I lay awake thinking of all the sweet times, the discoveries, the challenges I've experienced through these first 9 months as a mother. I would say Caden has been an "easy" baby, though I hate labeling him in rank of difficulty or some such thing. He has really been a tremendous blessing, a life changer, my source of joy on my lowest days, and sometimes quite the curious little rascal. It's been so amazing to watch him change and grow, and thinking about the light that is within him and the beautiful person I know he will become, it makes my role as his mother and guide in this world so much more sacred. He will base much of how he lives the rest of his life on how he interacts with me and his father, and he will model what he sees and will remember the love and protection he was shown. I hope he will forget my moments of weakness and frustration and will learn positive conflict resolution and how to truly apologize and make things right (I'm still learning that myself). Regardless of how he feels about it later, it will all shape him, as it has already shaped and affected me. His sweet little soul is teaching me so many things-- I sometimes struggle with what I can possibly teach him or show him that will have lasting value, but he has no trouble learning things for himself. He is forever surprising me with joys large and small. I love him so much, and these last 9 months of my life (and the first 9 months of his life) have been almost entirely magical. As he grows and displays more of his free will and personhood, and as we sometimes trudge through the moments of small tantrums when said personhood doesn't get to do what it wants or express itself as pleased, it is truly amazing to think that every one of us passes through this portal, this phase, this season of infancy. To think that we were once each so small, so innocent and open to life, needing care and doting pure and unconditional love on those around us, makes me long for that for each one of us-- to return to joyful, pure, innocent states where we can freely and unabashedly love all around us.
So as my son continues to grow, and as he continues to surprise and delight us, I want to celebrate each moment of his sweet little life and always remember what a blessing and miracle that he is-- and that each one of us is, also.
Happy 9 months of life, sweet darling boy of mine!